Starting measurements

Yesterday was the day to get starting measurements and weights.  That was eye opening.  First of all the weight - 223.  That was higher than I expected.  The second thing was to see myself , honestly, in pictures were I wasn't dressing to flatter my figure or hide my sins.  I didn't realize that I had back fat, let along how much of it I had.

This is me, in all of my lack of glory.  I am so not impressed.

I post these pictures but know that I feel bad about looking this way.  Not because I need to fit some idea of idealized beauty but rather because I know what this means health wise for me, as if the doctors news the other day wasn't clear enough.  I haven't done any of the metrics like a BMI calculation because I am just not ready to know about it at all.

This morning I got up at 4:30 to make lunch and eat breakfast.  First this program involves a lot of food.  Especially at 4:30am it felt overwhelming.  3 hours later I was still full which was a good thing but eating all of it was hard.  I ended up throwing out the last bite of egg and a slice of orange simply because I couldn't eat it all.  I don't think it would have been as bad if I started work at a later hour but when my shifts all start at 6 am, it felt like too much to face down before I or my stomach had truly woken up.

By the time my second break arrived, about 5ish hours later, I was just starting to get hungry so timing of meals suggested in the plan is accurate.  Again I struggled to eat all of the food, especially in a 15 minute break.  Tomorrow, I am going to try to bring some things which are softer in hopes that I can eat them faster and with less chewing. 

After work, I did groceries and that is where my timing got screwed up - my second break was about an hour earlier than normal and dinner was later than normal because I had to buy the ingredients than cook it.  Yes, I could have microwaved the baked sweet potatoes to make them cook faster but I find that changes the texture so I stuck with the old fashioned way - and this is where I go off plan a bit.  I don't use my microwave as much as suggested even though it would get dinner on the table faster.  Mine, for one, is no where near powerful enough to cut enough time off for me, and it is so small a lot of bowls, steamers and even regular plates don't fit in it.  Right now, if I made any of the recipes suggested, I would just miss out on the handfuls of chocolate, cookies and junk I am used to so better to avoid it at all.  I know myself well enough to know it would only trigger me to binge.

To make tomorrow easier, especially in the morning, I have tomorrows breakfast and lunch all portioned and weighed out, so I should be able to sit down and actually enjoy it.